I guess you could call us pen pals – after caring for my sister-in-law in 2016, I wrote letters and sent cards and postcards to her mother for 5 years sending my last one a week or so ago to the hospice Jackie had been admitted to. Her decline was fast and I hope that her suffering was limited. Maintaining that connection to Lisa and helping Jackie in a small way to deal with the loss of her daughter helped me deal with my personal grief over losing Lisa. Now I feel a little lost. I was unable to visit Jackie in Virginia as her health declined and will be unable to go to the funeral but both Jackie and Lisa are in my thoughts and prayers.

This is the last photo I have of the two of them together and I remember that day well. It was Jackie’s birthday in August 2016 and Lisa and I took her out to lunch.


  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost two close friends earlier this fall and still think of them often. One was in hospice where I couldn’t go to visit, too. I made friends with a friend of the other one, and we have been going for monthly pedicures together (I never went regularly before this). Makes us feel closer to our late friend and each other. Guess losing people is part of the aging process, but knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.

  2. I am so sorry for your loss. Try thinking of them together again pain free. In the future you will be able to remember all the good times the 3 of you spent together. I will keep you and your extended family in my prayers. Jackie is your family, family is what we make.

  3. So sorry for your loss. Losing persons is the hardest thing to deal with. In the last year or so we also have not had our regular contacts. Truly time makes it a little better you are in my thoughts

  4. Mary, I am so sorry for your loss! I have a high school friend who I send postcards, letters, etc to on a weekly basis. As she says. “time has not been good to her” and she currently lives in an Assisted Living facility. Although she tells me time and time again how much the cards and letters mean to her, it is I who has reaped the most reward from this. Each card and letter is as if we are having coffee around a kitchen table, chatting about things in our lives. I don’t have many chances to to just that, especially these days of lingering COVID, so being able to reach back and forth across time and space is so precious to me. I suspect you will not only mourn the loss of your friend, but also of the friendship. Your story has validated my own efforts with my friend. Please know that the legacy of your kindness lives on in others! My heartfelt best wishes to you! Susan

  5. I’m so sorry for your loss, I know how hard it is when we lose someone we love, when I lost my sister 10 years ago my the pain and sadness was almost unbearable then I lost my Dad 2 months later 5 days before Christmas, my heart was broken, Christmas has never been the same, since then I’ve lost my Mom and my mother-in-law and some good friends, the pain and sadness one feels after a loss never goes away, it just gets a little easier to deal with… well some days.
    Sending you big quilty hugs!

  6. I am so sorry for your loss, Mary. It is especially hard these days when we can’t have the usual visits with friends. But how she must have treasured your notes and cards after her daughter passed. I am sure you brought her much comfort during those years.

  7. mary, i’m so sorry for your loss. the lack of being able to visit our friends makes these times so much harder on us. i lost my mother and my youngest sister within two years and it’s been rough. cherish the good times you had. i talk to my sister and mother periodically in my house (people in public would think i was crazy) because it makes me feel closer to them. seems too strange not to be able to talk to them. i feel your pain and hope you can receive relief from your memories. hugs, patti in florida

  8. Your love and kindness to her were a great gift for both of you. You kept the joy of Lisa present for both of you and memories made the bond strong. Now it will be very difficult with your last link gone but there are still memories now expanded to include those of Jackie. Grieve fully and recognize that you did all that you could and that COVID stinks.

  9. So sorry for your loss. I’m sure she treasured keeping that connection going just as much as you did.

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